The weakest link...

This afternoon I was talking to one of my tech's at another location and asked him to check on one of the end users in his building. She had contacted me about an issue on her PC one of the other tech's had worked on, and now she was having more issues. I knew he could handle it, so I was giving him the basics of the issue. Here's our chat in IM:

Me: Has *user name*  called you yet?
Tech: It doesn't appear so
Me: *other tech name* worked on her computer and now she's having more issues. I told her to call you and you would help her...lol
Tech: he's been playing with paging file on his pc, i'd be willing to bet he messed with hers as well lol
Me: Paging file isn't going to make it run faster
Tech: I know this and you know this but...
Me: LOL
Tech: Anymore around here I just shake my head and walk away
Me: If you have time today or tomorrow, would you go see her? Set her page file back to default?
Tech: Night before last spent 4 hours stripping the ends of an ethernet cable to put an RJ45 connector on it..........
Me: He probably either shrunk the page file or made it too big for the drive to handle
Me: Wait...4 hours??
Tech: Yes, stripping each individual wires, and it not work so he would try over and over...
Me: Wow...
Me: Tell him to stop...just...stop...that makes my head hurt
Tech: You can't make this stuff up lol

There's one on every team...lol.

So much knowledge...

XKCD hit the nail on the head...

New job...same P.I.C.N.I.C's

Well it's been almost 3 years since my last post, but my current job has prompted me to revive the blog. I've said for years that IT folks must be invisible. We HAVE to be! We go into an office, or other location, to work on a technical problem and the people in the room seem to forget we have ears, or think they can push an imaginary "mute" button so we don't hear anything being discussed while we are present. I'll just say this... if you want information or "dirt" on someone, find your nearest IT tech. You can guarantee they've heard or seen something you'd be interested in.

Take today for example, our office is fairly large. After being "evicted" from our actual office, I had to find someplace for me and my 3 techs to "live." I found a storage room, that was once a small conference room, that was literally filled from floor to ceiling, and wall to wall with old, discarded or retired IT equipment. There was everything in there from retired rack mount servers to some old dinosaur of a PC that looked like it was made in the 70's. Under all that was a large table and a few broken down chairs. We Cleaned everything out, and I had 4 decent sized cubicles installed. It still has IT equipment in it, but 99% is usable, or stacked to go to PC recycle. We have plenty of room, and a door. It's nice to be able to close the door and get some quiet, not to mention regulate the temperature in the room (we also have a network/server rack in the room) since we don't control the thermostat. Today the door was closed and me and one of my tech's were working trouble tickets at our desks. The door opens and in walks the Senior Manager of our call center, followed by the director of the call center. They close the door and begin discussing an issue with a couple of employees. Not discussing them with us, but between each themselves. After a few minutes of discussion, the director says he will take care of the issue, they walk out and close the door. My tech sends me an IM (he literally sits 4 feet from me): "IT so unassuming they do secrets meetings in our office while we're in here"

So just remember, just because we're quiet, unassuming, and may not be very talkative does not equate to our being deaf or blind. 

Yesterday morning I was walking down the hall to my office when one of the directors yelled at me (and not nicely) and told me his laptop was messing up again. I walked in to see what was going on as he was closing the lid on the laptop while it was on the docking station. He pointed at the monitor (which was attached to the docking station) and said "The monitor keeps turning off. There must be something wrong with my laptop!" Before I could say anything, he opened the laptop, pushed the power button, and right as the monitor was coming on, he closed the lid again...causing the monitor to go off again. He very firmly told me "I need you to fix this right now! I don't have time for this!"

For those of you that aren't familiar with laptops, they are designed to go to sleep when you close the lid. This particular user has had this laptop and docking station for 4 years, and has been told this multiple times.

He got out of his chair and I walked over and pushed the power button on the docking station, not on the laptop, to wake the computer up. As the monitor was coming back on and showing the login screen, I just smiled at him and walked out of his office...still not saying a word.

/facedesk

Flush the DNS bro!

It's been a while since I've posted anything here, but nothing tremendously funny or stupid has happened in a while...until today. This was a conversation via inter-office messenger at our Helpdesk.

Did you know that computers can manage the flushing of automatic toilets? Apparently they do at the county Jail. Humor may be limited to computer peoples (:

Maitl*******) [4:39 PM]:
I just got a call from MLK, the computer that manages flushing the toilets is locked up... Constipated
Kirch*******) [4:39 PM]:
I've taken that call before.
At the jail, right?
Hog*******) [4:40 PM]:
tell them to flush...the dns
Maitl*******) [4:40 PM]:
right
Johnson, Benjamin (benjohns) [4:40 PM]:
do we base priority on how bad the smell is?
Maitl*******) [4:40 PM]:
LOL Nick
Yad*******) [4:40 PM]:
This is the county, it's only a sev 3.
Johnson, Benjamin (benjohns) [4:40 PM]:
fact
Hog*******) [4:40 PM]:
the one system you DON'T want "backed up"
Yad*******) [4:40 PM]:
If they ask what that smell is, say 'Incumbents'
Johnson, Benjamin (benjohns) [4:41 PM]:
is that the POS computer?
did you have them chek the dump file?
Hog*******) [4:41 PM]:
seriously just choked on my chipotle
Johnson, Benjamin (benjohns) [4:42 PM]:
choked on the chicken...
Kirch*******) [4:42 PM]:
that was corny
Maitl*******) [4:42 PM]:
the smell got to him he didn't even know the username
he is going to check with the facilitators
Hog*******1) [4:42 PM]:
it's only corny because it can't process it
Kirch*******) [4:42 PM]:
thats-the-joke.jpg

It's not a flash drive!

I just got a P1 ticket (highest priority for tickets) for a new wireless keyboard and mouse that wasn’t working. The helpdesk escalated to me. So I called the user and asked them to explain what was going on. They said they just got this new wireless mouse and keyboard and it wouldn’t work. I said ok, and asked what all came in the box. They said the mouse and keyboard.

Me: Was there a third piece in the box?

User: Well there is this little flash drive that came with it.

Oh yeah….wait for it.

Me: Ok…go ahead and plug that into a USB port on your dock or the laptop.

User: Ok…oh…hey…it’s working!

Me: Yeah, that isn’t a flash drive. It’s the transceiver for the wireless keyboard and mouse.

User: Well I feel like an idiot…

I so had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing out loud! And to top it off, it was escalated from the Helpdesk! LOL

Some people should not have computers...

Since I work with the same group of people all the time, I have gotten to know most of them pretty well. There are some I'm happy to work with and enjoy the banter over the phone. Some...as soon as I see their name in my queue I just hang my head and sigh. One user in particular almost makes me want to slit my wrists.

Last week I got a ticket for him stating his system had a virus. I called him and he had a really nasty one that I wasn't able to clean. I had him ship his system in to be wiped and re-imaged. Once I received it, I wiped the drive, re-installed Windows, set everything backup, and shipped it back to him. I asked him to call me when he received it so we could go over the system to make sure no applications were missing or settings were missed. When it arrived, he called in a complete "the sky is falling" panic, and according to him the system didn't work at all. I was like "WTH?" After listening to him rant and rave for a few minutes I realized his computer was working, he just couldn't get connect to VPN. I checked his account and realized he had let his network password expire. After some "creative engineering" I was able to get into his system and help him get connected to VPN and back on the network.

He mentioned a couple of other things that needed my attention, one of which required him going to a specific website. I asked him to type the URL in the address bar. The following conversation occurred:

Me: Open Internet Explorer and type the address is the address bar

User: I can't.

Me: What do you mean you can't? Did you mouse click on the address bar in the browser?

User: Yes. Nothing happened.

Me: Did the address turn blue when you clicked it?

User: Yes, but now it's not.

Me: Is there a flashing cursor at the end of the address?

User: Yes.

Me: Ok. Use the backspace key and clear the address out.

User: But won't that take me away from the homepage

Me: No, it just clears the address so you can type a new one there and go to the website I asked you to go to.

User: Ok...but I don't think that's going to work.

...dude...really??

Me: It will work. Just clear that address out like I told you and type in the new one.

User: Ok...

I hear typing and clicking in the background.

User: Ok I did what you said but it's still on the same webpage. I told you it wouldn't work.

At this point I'm really gritting my teeth and trying to stay nice.

Me: After you typed the address in, did you hit enter?

User: No.

Me: Is the cursor still flashing at the end of the address you just typed.

User: Yes

Me: Ok, just hit enter.

User: I don't know what good that's going to do.

Me: Just hit enter and it will work.

User: Ok, it looks like it's going to the website.

The call just got progressively worse from that point, but after 5 hours on the phone taking care of little adjustments and settings (that should have taken less than an hour), he was back up and running. After incidents like that, I see why people drink on the job! I told a co-worker we needed to take that guys computer away and give him a Big Chief pad and a Crayon.